Partners in Love

I have been married twice. The first time I said, "I do?" and I knew I was in trouble.

The second time was a mixed marriage and we stayed together because the out side pressure made us stronger. It also hid the fact that we should not be together.

I have learned from my mistakes and the mistakes of others.

You always have to remember that when you get married of live in a union of love without the license and ceremony that you are in a partnership. Both partners must contribute equally to the relationship or it will be doomed. I am not talking about money. It is part of the equation but everything you do for your partner, the children and the household is put in a pot and split based on what is constant.

For example, when both partners in a relationship work they should share the work at home based on the hours they work. If you work the same hours then the split should be 50/50.

As the years go by some couples start taking each other for granted. The love seems to be diminishing. The fire between you goes down.

Every time your relationship seems to be slipping do something new and romantic. At least every six months, or earlier if you need a boost, do something that will renew your love.

Go to a motel with a hot tub in the room (heart shaped preferred) and make love. Do not have sex but make mad passionate love. Explore each other and renew your relationship.

When my ex girlfriend and I did it we each put bubble bath liquid in the tub and being a big tub we put extra in. We had four feet of bubbles in the room. (Well maybe only two feet.)

When children are involved you have to try even harder to keep the fire burning. Time away from the children is important. At least once a month, preferably more, get a sitter and go out on a date. Try to think of yourselves as a young couple starting out your relationship. Try not to think about the children.

I realize that this is a time of feminism but feminism is out here. The man should open the doors for the women. I won't say he should throw his coat over a puddle (Why ruin a good coat?) But he could lead her around the puddle or better yet carry her over the puddle.

Make each date your first date or the date you fell in love on.

Each day is the beginning of the rest of your partnership. It is the opportunity for a new beginning. If you partner complains about something you do, don't think of it as a bunch of BS. Think about it and you may realize it is a legitimate gripe. Try to change.

As time goes by we change. Some of the change may be good and some may be bad. You can not say to your partner, "You knew I was like this when you married me." when there is a complaint. You may not have been that way when you entered the relationship.

Sometimes the changes in you both can cause your relationship to suffer. When your first get together and are dating you are on your best behavior. As your relationship matures you let your hidden feelings and ways creep out. The change may be so slight that you do not notice. When you move in together more of yourselves come out. When you get married more of yourselves come out.

This is why a lot of couples that live together find that when they get married things have changed. Some get a divorce and stay together. That piece of paper may ruin the relationship.

If your change is for the bad and you can not undo the change you may lose your partner. Is your partner ready to undo the bad changes. You have to work together and either correct the problems or life with them.

Always remember what ever happens you are you. You are a number one. You are a beautiful person and you deserve a beautiful life. Your partner is tied with you as number one. When things go wrong and if your partner won't hold up their end of the partnership you are now number one and the other is number two. If things get worse and you are abused verbally and or physically the other is zero and out.

© Copyright 2001 Lee W. Gaylord

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